Hello everyone. How are we all doing? This week in class we talked about family stress and coping. Family life is stressful, it come with challenges and hardships. However, these can help us to grow stronger together if we learn some key coping skills.
The first skill is taking responsibility for yourself and your family, which means not denying, avoiding, or blaming others for problems. It is not playing the victim in the situation. You may have been hurt by someone or something but you can dwell in the pain.
The second skill is to affirm your own and your family’s worth, which means to remind yourself and your family the you are people with strengths and the capacity to overcome the challenges that you are dealing with. You have to separate the challenge from the person. For instance, the father that loses his job has a tendency to think he is suddenly not a good provider and a failure. This is not true! He lost his job not who he is. He is a provider in more ways than just financially.
The third skill is to balance self-concern and other-concern. While you have to be concerned for your own well-being you also have to be concerned for how your family is doing. Most people tend to focus inward in times of stress but you have to look outside of yourself to help each other through the stress and pain. You have to remember that you’re not the only one hurting and stressed out.
The fourth skill is learning the art of reframing. Reframing is redefining the meaning of something or a way of changing your perspective on a situation. I like to think of this as looking on the bright side of life. For example, in my sewing class this week I was having a very hard time sowing a particular stitch. I had undone and redone it 4 or 5 time and was getting frustrated when a classmate said, “Look at how much practice you are getting unpicking, before long you will be a pro.” Suddenly I was able to see that I was learning something maybe not what I planned on but I was learning something and wasn’t as frustrated. This may be a small example but it works for all challenges.
The last one is to find and use available resources. Every family has a multitude of resources both internal and external. Internal resources are the strengths and talents of the members. External resources are the outside programs, friends, family, etc. that can be used to help with the crisis or challenge. We have to learn to look for help and not let pride hold us back. We can’t grow if we don’t accept help up. I believe religion can be a huge resource both an internal and external. My faith has helped be through some very challenging time in my life. It has given me the courage and hope to keep going, to keep trying.
I think that if we can learn and then teach these skills to our families, we could help so many people learn to cope with challenges more effectively. We could help ourselves and other avoid some of the heartache and pain that come with challenges and ineffective coping techniques.
The first skill is taking responsibility for yourself and your family, which means not denying, avoiding, or blaming others for problems. It is not playing the victim in the situation. You may have been hurt by someone or something but you can dwell in the pain.
The second skill is to affirm your own and your family’s worth, which means to remind yourself and your family the you are people with strengths and the capacity to overcome the challenges that you are dealing with. You have to separate the challenge from the person. For instance, the father that loses his job has a tendency to think he is suddenly not a good provider and a failure. This is not true! He lost his job not who he is. He is a provider in more ways than just financially.
The third skill is to balance self-concern and other-concern. While you have to be concerned for your own well-being you also have to be concerned for how your family is doing. Most people tend to focus inward in times of stress but you have to look outside of yourself to help each other through the stress and pain. You have to remember that you’re not the only one hurting and stressed out.
The fourth skill is learning the art of reframing. Reframing is redefining the meaning of something or a way of changing your perspective on a situation. I like to think of this as looking on the bright side of life. For example, in my sewing class this week I was having a very hard time sowing a particular stitch. I had undone and redone it 4 or 5 time and was getting frustrated when a classmate said, “Look at how much practice you are getting unpicking, before long you will be a pro.” Suddenly I was able to see that I was learning something maybe not what I planned on but I was learning something and wasn’t as frustrated. This may be a small example but it works for all challenges.
The last one is to find and use available resources. Every family has a multitude of resources both internal and external. Internal resources are the strengths and talents of the members. External resources are the outside programs, friends, family, etc. that can be used to help with the crisis or challenge. We have to learn to look for help and not let pride hold us back. We can’t grow if we don’t accept help up. I believe religion can be a huge resource both an internal and external. My faith has helped be through some very challenging time in my life. It has given me the courage and hope to keep going, to keep trying.
I think that if we can learn and then teach these skills to our families, we could help so many people learn to cope with challenges more effectively. We could help ourselves and other avoid some of the heartache and pain that come with challenges and ineffective coping techniques.
"If we constantly focus only on the stones in our mortal path, we will almost surely miss the beautiful flower or cool stream provided by the loving Father who outlined our journey. Each day can bring more joy than sorrow when our mortal and spiritual eyes are open to God’s goodness. Joy in the gospel is not something that begins only in the next life. It is our privilege now, this very day. We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. There will always be more blessings than burdens—even if some days it doesn't seem so. Jesus said, 'I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.' Enjoy those blessings right now. They are yours and always will be."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
-Jeffrey R. Holland